Dangerous Corners Ahead Chapter 1
by darkland
Summary: Justin is struggling with a deep dark secret. (I posted this ages ago and then deleted it from , but I thought I re-add it again). Contains all characters from the show.
1. Chapter 1

It's hard to wake up and determine where you want your life to go, when it's already on a path that has no boundaries or layers for you to change. It's hard to try and change it when no one believes you can change or amount to anything. Apart of his problem was his family. His brother and sisters, have almost given up on him, his mother, well she's just caring enough, but doesn't do much anymore, and well as for Rebecca? She's pretty much turned the tables against him.

Sitting alone at the beach weeping into his hands on a windy and cloudy day, Justin couldn't believe he was falling back to his old self. He couldn't believe he lost the people that he cared about the most, and the only thing that could give him a sense of relief and comfort from the pain that was hitting his heart, was randomness meaning injections off the street. Two years clean down the toilet.

He couldn't understand what he did wrong to his family to make them so bitter and cold, he was helpless at the moment. The stretch between being the full potential young man and the bitterness that was of his cold life had become so far apart but in the last month, with all the heartache and pain he suffered, he hit rock bottom and it didn't feel good.

Justin couldn't make any sense of it. It would just be easy to tell them truth to tell his mother about what happened in Iraq and what had happened when he a child. But he did not want to upset her perfect order of things, nor upset the stability that the family were now adjusting with all the secrets that his father had left, now slowly coming to a close. Kitty was finally moving on from her divorce from Jonathon, having met someone new, Sarah and Joe were happy that they were expecting twins, while Tommy's wine venture with Holly seemed to be making much more profit then he had ever expected, and Kevin finally moving in with Scotty and subletting his apartment to Rebecca after she moved out. Everyone seemed to be having good luck, good fortune and a good life, while Justin was turning into a man with a scorch past to deal with consistently without their help.

He knew he had lot things to make up for, but how could he start when he was hurting so bad? And no one noticed or cared or at least pretended not to care? He missed that sense of closeness that he had with Kitty, she hardly gave him a time of day now. At his 28th Birthday party, no one hardly said a word to him, sat there at the dinner table, just talking about their lives as if the birthday boy hadn't existed since he returned from Iraq. They barely was even noticed when he left the table to go to bed except for Joe's one remark that really gutted him the most as well as the following remark from Sarah that night.

_"He's gone. Can we go now?" Joe had stated to Sarah and Nora._

_"Oh sure. Let's go. Finally." Sarah had replied in a loud tone as if purposefully she wanted Justin to hear it. "Why do we have to do this for Justin, he's not worth it anymore?"_

Justin wiped the tears from his face as he banged his feet onto his surf board, not caring that he had actually done it with such force that it now had a hole in it. "I hate this!" He said silently to himself. "I hate not saying anything. I want to but I can't. Maybe if I die now, it would end the pain."

He looked around him, people were heading off, the cold and bitterness of the weather wasn't really matching people's fun at the beach. He looked at his hands and at the cuts and wounds he had given himself the night before with a knife. For him, it eased the pain of his childhood and what he had experienced and the pain of having to live through Iraq before being injured and discharged from the military. The purple bruise and the excessive of skin pealing from the round around his thumb, sat there, not just to be a reminder for Justin that it easier his pain, but it also a reminder that he's truly on his own.

The voices in his head told him to keep up the excessive harm. _It will help make you feel better._ Justin thought. _Once you don't feel like crap, you'll be right._

Justin's sobs became louder as the dark thoughts of his life returned to his head. With the small kitchen knife in his hand, he jabbed at bits of his arms, flinching at the hatred of the pain. The thoughts inside his head were spinning, the hurt from his past, the hurt that his siblings were afflicting upon him, the break up with Rebecca, all the hurt rolled into one. The pain was there and it wasn't going away. As he cried and looked at the bloody marks left on his hands, he screamed " I hate you!"

Two Police officers who had been watching the young Walker for no longer then five minutes, decided to approach him. One of the officers had a look of worry on her face, as his erratic emotional behaviour had become more aggressive, especially she had seen him self harm with the knife.

"Excuse me?" The young female officer bent down and reached out her hand to touch Justin's shoulder, but he screamed and looked into her face. The red eyes, the red face the sad look in his eyes said it all. There was no spark left in Justin, all had been replaced by the unnecessary evils he had been dealt with.

"Don't touch me!" Justin tried to choke out. He fell onto his bearing his face into his arms.

The young officer said. "What's happened?"

"I can't!" Justin screamed tearfully. "I can't do it!"

"Do what?" The Police woman asked with interest and concern

"Please….Just let me die!" Justin yelled.

From a distance, a crowd was gathering at the top end of the footpath of the beach, among them, Holly Harper was watching with concern and interest. Her eyes widening in shock when she heard Justin's familiar voice.

She pushed her hair from her face as the wind picked up a bit of speed. Her suit jacket also fluttering a bit as she took a step down to get closer to the situation. Although Rebecca dumped Justin and Rebecca proceeded to instruct her mother to not have anything more to do with Justin as she "hated" him now, she still had a soft spot for the young man. He was always direct with her, and not necessarily narcissistic or bitchy like his other siblings, especially the tall and yet controlling Sarah. Although Justin had made it quite clear with her earlier on, that he didn't like her or the affair she had with his father, there was somewhat mutual respect between the two – something that he couldn't establish any more with his own family. Holly thought that was sad, she had witnessed over the last past year, with his relationship with his family destroyed him ,but she had a feeling there was something deep down in Justin that he was burying ,ever since he returned from Iraq. Rebecca had tried to co-ax it out of him, but Holly didn't know. She knew that he would when he was ready on his own terms. Sadly witnessing his break down at the beach wasn't something thatknow one should witness.

As she approached Justin and the officers, she softly called out. "Excuse me, officers?"

Justin barely even registered that it was Holly who's voice he heard, he just didn't register anything given his emotional state as he rocked back and forward when he had sat up.

The other tall male officer approached Holly with a suspicious look. "Do you know this young man?"

"Well yes." Holly said in a matter of a fact tone, getting her back up against the officer's rude and condescending tone.

Justin tried to look up, but the young female officer was trying to get him to calm down and at least speak about where he was from and where they should take him.

"He can come home with me." Holly offered as she knelt down to see Justin's face. When he looked up, she could see the tired, sad and red face. Holly was nearly knocked for six. The young man that she somewhat respected was a complete wreck. The eyes said it all –"Help" – he stared at her, not saying a word, but the face and his eyes said it all.

"He's having some kind of emotional breakdown." The police officer said.

Holly rolled her eyes and and snapped at him. "No, officer, he's happy because he's celebrating his birthday party by himself! Gee you think!?"

"No need to be a smart ass." The female police officer said stepping forward.

"Just let me take him home. I know him, he needs help." Holly said, she tried to help Justin to his feet, she tried to grab one of his hands, the hands in which he had just self-cut himself, but he pulled it away.

"He's been self-cutting himself." The female police officer said. "I really think you should get your son to the hospital to get it looked at."

"He's not my son." Holly said. "My daughter's boyfriend okay?"

"You should at least -." The female police officer started to get angry at her, each time she tried to offer help; Holly just seemed to be itching to bring out a smart ass comment.

Holly stood in front of the officer putting her hands on her hips. "Thank you officer, I will deal with this, how I see fit."

Justin shrieked. "Just get me out of here, take me home, get me out of here!"

Holly watched Justin as he got to his feet, the tears still streaming down his eyes. She picked up his surf board and she watched as he stormed off.

"Looks like I win, bitches." Holly smiled. "Why don't you go save a stray dog or write parking tickets, like the rest of your kind."

The two Police officers stood there in complete shock at the comment Holly just made as she hurried off to follow Justin.

That evening, Nora Walker was in the lounge room with Kitty, making preparations for a formal party later on in the week. They were arguing about whether to serve duck for dinner or chicken mixed with potatoes. Nora wanted to do something different for a change, but Kitty didn't want to hear any of it. Her reasoning was – why mess with success A point that Nora would have argued, but she sort of was right. Things were okay as far as Kitty was concerned, although the divorce with Jonathon was hard, she got through with it , thanks to Sarah and Tommy, but not without the vindictive street of Kevin who felt the need to blame her at every corner. Nora was still missing Justin, they hadn't spoken in months, even when he was here, they never really cared to talk to him, but for her it was nice to see him there but of course there was nothing to be said. They just didn't want to talk to him.

"I just think if we served Duck medallion, it could be you know a step forward in bringing back this family together. At least help Justin still feel a part of this family." Nora said as she took her reading glasses off. "I really hate how the way we've all treated him lately."

Kitty rolled her eyes. "You think serving Duck medallion at this dinner party, is going to solve the issues? I wish it solved my marital problems with Jonathan, but sweet fudge all really can't heal the wounds of this family."

"Probably not. But at least I would think it could start to mend things." Nora said as she looked at the guest list. She had noticed that Kitty had a put big x next to Justin's name."Uh Kitty, why is Justin's name crossed off the list?"

"Oh, I figured he wouldn't show. He's not worth it anymore." Kitty said as she made some notes on the food that they were picking out. "We could always have pasta and…"

"What do you mean that he's 'not worth it'?" Nora asked, with concern and confusion. "He's still my son."

"Let's not go there Ma." Kitty said. "He's just too much high maintenance."

"What? You guys hardly speak to him anymore!" Nora screamed in surprise.

"Well neither do you!" Kitty argued.

"Once a week on the phone." Nora said. "He's not ready to come back here yet, but I think it's time you all started mending bridges with him. He misses you guys."

"Nothing is going to mend that bridge." Kitty sighed. "Unless he really wants to be a part of this family."

"I think we are all to blame after what happened when he got back." Nora gently reminded her daughter. "I'm at fault too you know. I was the one that said 'I wished he was dead'."

_Justin and Tommy were having an argument in the kitchen._

_"Just because you are back from Iraq and injured, doesn't mean I give a toss about you." Tommy screamed. "You think you can just come back and waltz back in here pretending you're the same guy that you left. That things are still the same, our relationship with you, if we even had one, is still the same. But it's not, so forgive me if I really don't give a flying toss what you experience d in Iraq. Who cares – get over it!"_

_Justin frowned as he sat on the stool, putting his crutches beside the kitchen bench. "Hey man, I am not expecting anything, except maybe a little help from my family. I'm struggling to deal with what I saw in Iraq I'm trying not to go back on the meds either. I'm trying not to let that experience ruin my life again, and I feel like I'm about to head into that direction, I just need…-"_

_"You'll get over it." Tommy rudely said as he took a sip of his beer interrupting him. Tommy hated Justin, he took the easy shortcuts in life and believed that the army didn't teach him nothing. His drug addiction, his failed relationships all stemmed from he believed that Justin didn't want to work hard in life. Justin looked defeated and hurt, he wasn't sure what had happened. He had only been away for a few months, before getting injured and now everyone, especially Tommy seemed to have some sort of hatred towards him. It was like as if the whole family had a personality transplant while he was off in Iraq. Justin sighed, I really shouldn't be surprised. He thought. I remember a time when I was in rehab for family day and all they talked about was themselves._

_Before Justin had a right of reply Nora walked in the kitchen, obviously hearing the argument from the dining room, where the others were._

_"Could you two keep it down!?" Nora hashed angrily. "What are you arguing about?"_

_"Just asking why everyone is being sitting on ice cold popsicles with me around?" Justin asked calmly. Nora eyed him a look and sighed. "What did I do to you guys?"_

_"Nothing." Nora said, eyeing Tommy a look. "Just eat your dinner."_

_Justin shook his head. "I must have done something; you got me eating dinner in here by myself. Away from the family. You and Dad never did that unless we needed a punishment."_

_He took a sip from his bottle of water giving his mum a begging look of help and understanding of what he had done and what he could do to make it right, but she somewhat avoided that pleading look of his and it cut him deeply._

_"And stop bringing Dad up!" Screamed a voice from the dining room entrance. It was Kitty, who had been walking on knife edge around Justin all day and kept making nasty remarks about his home return. Her blonde hair falling over her shoulders, she flicked it back past her shoulder as she stood there beside the bench, her turn to lay into her younger brother. "You're a piece of work you know that? Justin when are you going to realize that we couldn't careless about you at this point? We tried to help you and you ended up back in Iraq and look where that got you!?"_

_"Hey, I didn't have a choice to go back!" Justin protested and somewhat shocked by Kitty's admission of how she felt about him. He always knew there was something wrong with his relationship with his other siblings, but he thought he had made a brotherly/sisterly connection with Kitty. "Remember I was freaking out when I had to go back, I was lucky to get six months off to recover and spend time and you think that I actually liked serving in Afghanistan and Iraq!"_

_"Better then being with us apparently!" Kitty mocked. "Played with guns, your friends…"_

_"Go to hell, Oh my god, I can't believe I am fighting you on this. I have changed! But that doesn't mean I don't love you guys or I forgot about you while I was there! It's hard trying to adjust being back that's all!" Justin screamed at Kitty. "And for the record Kitty, you're the one that talked me into going! With your whole big speech about being afraid from this country after 9/11."_

_"Whatever!" Kitty rose her hand and put it in front of her and to Justin's face. "Talk to the hand!"_

_"Oh real mature!" Justin shouted. He slumped back in his seat slamming his hand on the table. He didn't get where all the anger was coming from, maybe everyone was frustrating and finally getting things off their chest – maybe the whole secrets and lies that their father held, finally just imploded internally again and he was bearing the front of it, but deep down he knew that it couldn't have been it. They had a problem and it was obviously him. _

_Before Justin could reply, Sarah and Kevin followed through into the kitchen._

_"What is this? Gang up on me day and you forget to send the memo?" Justin joked trying to ease the tension of the moment between him and his sister, but he could see in their eyes, pure hatred and spite for him and even contempt. He even looked at his mother who just store at him with pure venom, had and anger. He felt that he lead himself into an ambush, an ambush that probably had been a long time coming._

_"Why are you back Justin? I mean we know why you're back, but why are you here. We hate you being here." Kevin said. "I mean your obviously don't want to spend any time with us. You obviously have changed."_

_"Yeah and let's add to the fact that you're not even trying to look for work or getting your life on track." Sarah said as she chopped up some carrots for the second course of dinner. "I mean it's been three months off ready, get over Iraq and get a job like the rest of us, oh that's right – you're a dumb ass drug addict hopeless pathetic excuse of a man. So you're not going too."_

_"Nicely said." Tommy cheered slamming more beer down his throat._

_Nora sat there, her hand covering her mouth on top of her other hand, knowing full well she couldn't say anything to defend Justin from his siblings. Knowing full well that she somewhat agreed with what they were saying about her younger son._

_"You think I'm doing this for kicks?" Justin asked shocked, his eyes went wide. "You really think I enjoy being injured, knowing that I won't be able to go back into the military. No I don't enjoy it – I'm struggling with it and I'm sorry if my weakness bores you lot but I don't need you to make me feel bad then I already feel."_

_"Justin, you don't' realize that we just don't care anymore about you." Sarah viciously attacked. "I don't. I mean sure get your life back on track, but we're done with you. We wished you never came back from Iraq."_

_"I wished you died over there!" Nora screamed out all over a sudden. Justin and the others turned to look at their mother. Who was standing there, shaking and tears streaming down her cheek. She walked passed Sarah and Kevin to her son. "You being over in Iraq was the best thing you could have done for this family. I wish you never came back – your tearing this family apart by just being here. There is too much to deal with already without everyone fighting about you."_

_Justin gave his mother a hurt look. His eyes turned from frustration to angriness and then sadness. "If I'm such a bad seed, then why am I sitting here then? Why didn't you just adopt me out when you had me or abort me?"_

_"Come on that's not fair." Nora cried into her sleeve. _

_"You know what's not fair? I've done nothing but love this family, through my struggles and in return all I get is how disappointed that you are and how much you hate me for it. I'll make it easier , I'll move out." Justin threatened, tears whelming down his cheeks, still hurting from what his mother had just admitted to him before._

_"It would be a good idea." Nora said in tears. "I would like you to go tonight."_

_"Okay, maybe I think tonight's a bit too soon…" Kitty said, obviously shocked at what her mother had just said. "At least give him time to get some…."_

_"Oh so you care about what happens to me now do you!? Make up your freaking mind!" Justin screamed as he burst into tears. With that he hoped up from the chair, grabbed his two crutches and tried to storm out of the room. "I'll be out of here within an hour."_

_Sarah turned to her mother. "Are you okay?"_

_"It's finally over." Nora said as she store at the walk away where Justin just exited. "I love him, but I can't have him anymore. Now let's chop up the rest of the carrots."_

**_Walker Home _**

"Don't you have regrets about what happened that night?" Asked Nora to Kitty and Sarah who had just arrived with Joe and the kids. Cooper and Paige had gone into the living room to read some books, Kitty promised to follow in a minute, after she had a word with Nora and Sarah. Joe didn't want to get involved so he followed with the kids.

"Not in the slightest. Truth had to be told." Sarah said. "Although I will admit I think some of the things that were said that night were pretty harsh. The aim was to let him know we don't want to know about his problems and it kind of worked didn't it?"

"He's your brother." Nora said, in a shocking voice. "Look I have been keeping in contact with him… once a week and he's just missing being on part of this family. We had no right to do that to him, not after what he went through."

"We all decided it was for the best so that way his little puppy would leave us alone!" Sarah screamed at her mother throwing a fork onto the floor. "Look I don't care about him, the fact that he went out with Rebecca after finding out she wasn't our sister says most about his character and bad taste of poor judgement and his personality than anything else. I REALLY do wish he died in Iraq."

Nora and Kitty looked at each other. Rebecca hadn't been mentioned for nearly over a year, only Nora knew that Rebecca had dumped Justin and she had known that Justin was cup up about it.

"I am not turning my back on my son, not again. I can't anymore. He needs me. I am worried about him; he's not coping on his own. He doesn't have anyone. He doesn't have Rebecca anymore." Nora shouted. "I listened to you before, to both of you,and that cost me my son, I am not doing that again."

She then stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the back yard door behind her.

"He's not even here physically and is still getting us to argue. I thought the whole point of getting rid of him from our lives was to wipe him completely." Sarah sighed.

"I don't think it's as easier as that anymore. I don't think Mum can see it as black and white anymore. Thinking about it that night, everything happened so fast and cruelly. He did need us. And we let him down." Kitty sighed depressingly. "Mum is right, we let him down. We let her down. We all were wrong. I was wrong. I really messed up."

Sarah looked at Kitty, she could see the tears in her face. "Kitty?"

"I'm sorry Sarah, but Justin is my brother and having this conversation again about what we did to him, I feel guilty, I now feel bad about what we did to him. What we put him through. I miss my little brother." Kitty said through her tears. "Why did we do what we did?"

Sarah walked over to her sister and gave her a hug. Not knowing what to say or do, or what to feel, everything she hated about Justin was confused. That night was hell for everybody, they had simply ambushed him and degraded a man who had just returned from Iraq that week looking for approval and some support and because they were messed up with their own tiny problems, completely wiped him clean. But Sarah rationalized it as they agreed to do this for their good – their fortune and for him. They didn't need him, they had each other and the other money that not even Nora knew about.

Justin was sitting on the couch at Holly Harper's place. He his hand was bandaged and he had just had a shower, He wore a dark blue t-shirt and jeans. He just sat and store Blankley at the wall as Holly made him a cup of coffee.

She watched him as she stirred his coffee cup. Then walked over with his coffee and sat down across from him.

"I'm worried about you." Holly said with concern. "The question is what I tell your family. Your mother?"

"Nothing." Justin quietly said as he sipped his coffee. "Mum and I talk, but I am not telling her – it's them that don't want to know me. They made that perfectly clear a few months ago."

Holly sighed. "Come on Justin, you've been self –cutting or harming yourself. How bad is this problem you're dealing with?"

"I can't go into it." Justin nearly broke into tears as his voice broke. "I can't….."

"Is it to do with what happened in Iraq or partly?" Asked Holly, obviously seeing how uncomfortable and worked up he was now getting with all the questions.

"Please…. I have to go." Justin said as he stood up.

"You can't go back by yourself to your place. I won't allow it." Holly said sternly.

"You're my mother now?" Asked Justin in a mocking tone.

"Seeing you like that on the beach, completely 'broken', it's troublesome. You always seemed so grounded out of your family. Especially out of your brothers and sisters. You can't be on your own tonight; I promised the officers that I would keep an eye on you, so you wouldn't yourself. If you don't' want me to call your mother, I would suggest you do as I say." Holly explained. Amongst her explanation and threat, Justin could sense a bit of caring and maybe a bit of manipulation. Truth be told, he was tired of everything, and tired of arguing, but Holly seemed to be generally reaching out to him and he felt he had owed her somewhat after he avoided a jail cell or a mental institution sign up.

"I can handle that you may not want to talk about it. But I know it's a struggle, and I know it's affecting you, so whatever it is, you can't be on your own tonight. Not until I know that in the morning you're capable of not hurting yourself." Holly continued on. "Okay?"

Justin didn't know what to say, but he nodded anyway. "Thanks, I guess."

"You can sleep in the spare room if you want. Bed's made." Holly suggested.

Justin walked down the hallway and into the spare room and closed the door behind him.

"I'll find out whatever it is your hiding." Holly whispered. "I always do."

Restless and nightmares of his past teenage years haunted Justin in his sleep. Tonight was no different, it was more vivid, richer and he could feel it this time. It was more real this time around and it was preventing him from trying to sleep.

Justin started tossing and turning in the bed. Calling out for help as his hands clutched the beed sheets. Pools of sweat running down from his forehead, onto his bare chest and onto the sheets of the bed, murming the world "Help" countless times, each time it was getting louder.

_A young teenage scrawny looking Justin was on his bed. Someone was pinning him down. He was screaming for whatever or whoever to get off him. Whoever had him pinned down to the bed did a good job of it – handcuffing him to the bed beforehand. The figure that was lying on top of him punched Justin in the face._

_"Shut up Justin. You don't want your mother to come in here. This is my time with you." The adult figure said._

_"Please…" Justin begged as he felt the hands of the figure move around his body. "Please stop this. I beg you."_

_"Oh come on. It's natural to do this." The figure said as he put his hands around Justin's throat. "Don't resist me."_

_Justin silently began to cry harder as the figure moved himself up and down all over his body and as the grip around his neck tightened, he could hear the desperate pleasure of the breath of the figure that seemed to be mumbling some words that Justin couldn't quite hear through his tears. He felts something move hard into between his legs. It hurt, and he didn't like this feelings. Was this his fault? He questioned. Did someone punish me for existing? Justin's thoughts were going mad inside that his head of his, as they often do when he's in this moment. Justin thought he would get used to it – he had been doing this with this figure since he was twelve and had began to think that it was almost normal and a part of growing up. But he always had the sneaky suspicion that it wasn't right and it wasn't normal and that something was wrong of him for this trusted family figure to be doing this to him._

_When the figure was completed pushing into Justin, He grabbed his own belt and wacked Justin across the face with it., causing excessive pain and excessive silent screams, by putting one hand over his mouth as Justin cried and screamed in fear. Blood trickled down from the cuts that the belt had attributed with such force onto the face._

_"That was good. You're so good." The figure said as he then wacked him some more with the belt._

_"Please….! Begging you to stop! I can't do this anymore. I can't!" Justin pleaded with all his might. The figure stroked his face._

_"I like it when you beg. It gets me fired up." The figure said, he then threw himself back on Justin and kissed him passionately while Justin tried to kick him off. His left arm pounding on the back of the figure._

_"Get off, I hate this! I hate you – Why are you doing this to me!? I trusted you!" Justin whispered in pain and anger. The figure stopped kissing Justin and got up from the bed and looked down on him, his rubber mask hiding his true face, but Justin knew deep down who it was. He had suffered all these tortures for the last nine years and he wanted to know why someone in the family would want to hurt him like this. Justin watched as the figure uncuffed him from the bed._

_He stood in front of Justin as the nineteen year old teenager sat up on his bed covering his shivering and shaking body._

_The figure pulled the mask off._

_"As your uncle, it's my job to teach you the cruel parts of life." Saul said in a evil and sinisting grin. His face had the biggest smile showing off his perfect white teeth. Justin burst into tears some more._

Justin woke up screaming. "NO!" He screamed his lungs out, the dream had fallen real and it was not like any other dream. He sat up and continued to scream. It was the memories of the abuse that was causing him to hurt himself, he couldn't handle it anymore. He thought he had it buried. Justin got out of the bed and ran into the wall and begun to bang his head as he screamed at Saul's name followed by a curse word all over again. As he banged his head, the flooding of the memories of being abused by Saul, came back.


	2. Chapter 2

From her room Holly could hear Justin's screams of terror and quickly put her robe on and hurried down the hall way. She found him in the middle of the hallway with a knife in his hand, and the side of his head bleeding. She nearly screamed t the sight she saw.

"Let me die! Please!" Justin begged. "I can't deal anymore! Please! PLEASE!"

Holly didn't know what to do. She was shocked;she was frozen and couldn't seem to work out what would be the right thing to do. She could see the begging and desperation in Justin's face as he crumbled to the floor. His tears of pain and anguish over the past of his abuse had manifested.

Holly stood there, taken a back at what she heard._Was it true?_ She thought with sadness and disgust. _Did Saul really moleste Justin?_

"Help me." Justin begged Holly, looking at her with a desperate look. "How can I tell my mum without causing more trouble!?"

Holly knelt down towards Justin and tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched. She didn't know what she could say. She could easily kick him out, or be nasty and vindictive as she was with his family, but she knew that this pain and hurt he was feeling was real and a struggle.

"I don't know, but she has to know. You can't live with this on your own." Holly said in a soft tone. "If you want I could tell her."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Oh god no!"

"Then, you got to tell her." Holly reminded him a bit forcefully.

Justin covered his mouth. "I don't know how, how can I wreck more havoc on her Holly? You seem to be good at dropping bombshells because you're a low life can I do that without hurting her?'

Holly had the urge to slap Justin across the face, and he could see that comment really angered her and made her more impatient, although she had sympathy for the young Walker. "Tell her Justin. Go over there tomorrow morning – and tell her! What's the worst could she do to you!?"

Justin looked away from Holly, wiping his tears, - even more confused about what to do. He didn't know what he was doing with Holly, he felt like she was saying the right things – but was she just trying to manipulate him so she could cause more trouble with the family? Was it revenge of the way he and Rebecca's relationship failed to last? He didn't know, but he knew he had to do something, but he was worried of the consequences he would bring to his troubled family.

The next morning seemed to come too quickly for Nora. Already still upset about the conversation she had with Sarah and Kitty about Justin last night, she was not looking forward to spending another day with them finalizing stuff for the dinner party in honour of her brother. On Thursday, she had everything mapped up of how the boys (except Justin) would keep Saul pre-occupied at the Olah foods company and then bring him around for a get together that night.

She turned to face her alarm clock._8.29._

She sat up quickly. _Oh Crap I slept in!_

Nora quickly pulled on her robe and hurried down the stairs, she was supposed to be meeting a few of Saul's friends this morning to discuss the speeches that were to be given at the dinner. But she could hear from the hallway up stairs, which Tommy and Kevin were talking to them in the lounge, their voices and laughter echoing throughout the house.

_Bless them._ She thought. _ I do really need to get their spare keys set though. Coming here at all hours of the morning, it's as if they never moved out! I need my space already!_

Nora, realizing she didn't have to hurry back down, decided to go and have a nice long bath. As she walked back to her room, she stopped in front of Justin's room. She sighed. Her happiness subsided, now filled with guilt, sadness and devastation. She, over the last few months, felt so bad about how she and her other children treated their patriot soldier when he returned from Iraq, injured in the line of duty. How could she have been so blinded by their pure ego and turn against the son that really needed her help? From a recovering addict to serving back to Iraq – the young Walker needed his mother, his siblings, but only got in return was pure venom, something that Nora regretted giving.

She entered his room. Nothing unusual in the room, except for Justin's old boxes which were full of stuff from his old apartment. She walked around the room, not looking for anything in particular when she stumbled across a photo of herself and Justin before he went to Afghanistan. A happier time. She held the photo close to her as she looked it, tears of sadness weeping from her.

"Please don't hate me." Nora said quietly. When she got up from the bed and put the picture frame back onto the study desk, she felt something herslippers hit something beside Justin's chair. She looked down to see a journal – diary beside the chair.

Nora picked it up, unsurely, and sat on Justin's bed. _My son never kept a diary, well at least that's what he told me! I wonder what this is!?_

To Nora's disappointment and surprise – Justin did keep a diary. She opened up the diary and read the title that he had put above his name:_Buried Secrets that I can't tell anybody._

Nora frowned. "What is this?" She silently said to no one.

Did she dare to begin reading it? Was Justin hiding stuff from her, like her father did to him? Nora knew secrets were best kept secret when the holder was alive, and came out in a heap when they pass away, but Justin wasn't dead – so what was her son hiding from her? She looked back up at the picture frame and at that warm inviting smile that her son was giving for the picture that his father had taken of him and Nora.

Something dark was hiding behind that warm inviting smile of his and Nora was about to find out what is if she opened up to the next page.

Justin walked out of the bedroom with only his jeans on, revealing his chest to Rebecca who was sitting at the dining table with her mum eating breakfast. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Rebecca, and how completely different she looked. Both Holly and Rebecca store at him, Holly felt kind of awkward now because the two broke up in a huge fight kind of way, and she felt like she had create a new kind of storm. Looking at Rebecca, Justin checked her out. She had put on a bit of weight, not that he cared (at the moment), she had died her hair from blonde to pink, and for some odd reason she had a pierced nose, with a ring the size of a golf ball hanging over it. Clearly Rebecca had a makeover – but the worst ever make over!

Rebecca groaned. "I didn't know mum was sleeping with my ex! Would you two like some privacy?"

"Hey!" Justin protested. "Don't talk about your mum that way. First of all I am not sleeping with your mum. Second of all since when are you so judgemental? You went after my ex-brother in law, did you not?"

"Yeah, whatever." Rebecca rose her hand. "Talk to the hand, trash."

Justin giggled. "Speaking of which, how was the trashy lifestyle in Chicago ? Have you screwed Burt Reynolds out of his estate?"

"Go to hell." Rebecca screamed.

"Enough!" Holly shouted. "Bec, Justin, just leave the past in the past. We have more matters to press too, Justin – are you going to see your mum today or do I have to hold your hand?"

Justin sighed. "Holly, I don't want to cause trouble…"

He started making a cup of coffee, and Rebecca was not happy.

"Why is he here, mother!? Get rid of now!" Rebecca demanded as her voice shrieked like a twelve year old spoilt child demanding candy.

"Bec, just leave it. Go and get change, your job interview is in an hour." Holly instructed sternly as she began clearing the dining table.

"Besides Justin, YOU should give your mum better credit then you think." Holly said ignoring the rude gesture that her daughter was giving her. "You've sat on this secret for fifteen years? Trust me you don't want this secret coming out any other way."

Justin sighed as he poured milk in his coffee. He knew she was right, but it was the fact that he had to go crawling back to his mum was another thing. He hadn't seen her in three months, and the only contact he had with her was over the phone. For him, it was like stepping back into a can full of worms – where every little worm was out to get you no matter what you did. He had to tell her – Holly was right in that regard- but how can he destroy a close brother/sister relationship that had surpassed her marriage to his father?

"He molested you. You don't owe Saul nothing." Holly whispered, realizing that Rebecca was at the door way to the hallway to her bedroom trying to listen in.

She put a hand on Justin's shoulder as she then began to load the dishes into the dish washer, Justin sighed depressingly and looked out the window.

_No Holly, they wouldn't believe me. I will see mum today, but I won't tell her. I can't._ Justin thought.

Nora was devastated at what she had read in Justin's journal. She was in shock, that wasn't really a big enough of word to describe what she had read. She had gone through all of the 200 pages that he had written in since he was eleven, and was devastated that Justin had to suffer alone. Suffer the silence, the humiliation and the hurt of what his uncle, her brother, did to him. She was so angry, upset and coupled with that very anxious. Tears whelming in her eyes as she read the last few pages in the 155.

_I'm nearly eighteen, and I am not strong enough to fight him anymore. I've been fighting him since I was eleven. I'm too tired to fight anymore. I just wish he would stop, so my life could be better. I am not coping well and it's not like exactly l ike I can tell anybody, it seems my family, especially my parents, are too wrapped up in their problems to care enough about mine._

_I am questioning why he's doing this to me. What it is about me, that he had to single me out and hurt me the way he has done. I don't enjoy this. I don't. Everytime he's around I get anxious, every time he laughs and shares family memories with my mum, dad and the rest of my family, I sit there and look there astonished and shocked at how this man can easily impress people with his charm, wit, humour and sophistication, yet with me he molestes me and makes me feel bad about my self. I'm eighteen for god's sake. I don't do anything. I flunked high schooled, I don't get close to people and I have lost some good friendships because I don't like to spend time along with the company of other young male friends. Nor do I with woman (but that's another issue, probably…who knows…).._

_I don't want to deal with this alone. If I could tell somebody, I would, but I just don't feel anyone wants to listen. I am dying on the inside, of what Uncle Saul has done to me, and no one cares, and no one really wants to care. I just want to die._

Nora burst into tears as she read that last sentence. She covered her mouth and cried her heart out. _"I just want to die."_ That last ever journal entry he wrote, broke her heart. How could he feel so alone? How could they have not noticed? Nora had a lot of regrets of not spending much time with Justin in his teenage years, and to have him admit that he was suicidal was as heartbreaking for her to read as a mother.

_Saul! You're a bastard! You wait until I see you!_ Nora thought angrily. Somehow she needed to get to her son, to explain how sorry she was and that now she knew and that we can deal with it on his own terms, but how could she reach her son without making him feel small like Saul had done to him?

Before she could get up from Justin's bed, she saw a figure approaching the door way. It was Kevin.

He was wearing a grey suit. His hair combed neatly, he had a nice smile on his face. "There you are… we were just…."

He then saw the devastation and sad look on his mum's face. He hurried over to her. "Mum, what's wrong? What's happened, why are you in Justin's room?"

He sat beside her and put her arms around her as she cried into his chest. He heard her cries of horror and howling, something he never heard before. It wasn't like the tears of sadness and mourning that he witnessed at their father's funeral,, this was a complete different type of emotional , and it freaked Kevin out.

"What is it mum?" Asked Kevin in a worried tone as he watched her face him. The tears rolled down her face like a raging river. She held up Justin's journal.

"What..?" Kevin asked confusingly as he took it from her.

He flicked through the page. "Justin kept a journal?"

Before Nora could say anything, Kevin flicked through to a few of the pages, she watched as a spread of horror and disgust spread across his face. "Oh…my….god…..OH MY GOD!OH MY GOD!"

His face turned white instantly. "…Oh…my…god!"

"I know!" Nora cried out. "I never knew. Your father never knew! What do we do!? We have to find my son!"

Kevin panicked he turned to his mother. "For all these years he's been hiding this!? Uncle Saul molested Justin!? You never knew!?"

"No, I only found out when I read the diary…. Oh god Kevin… we never knew.. He never told us..How could he have not told us?" Nora cried as she howled in tears.

Kevin looked at his mum; he didn't want to argue with her she could see what kind of wreck this was for her and when the others found out, it was going to be a fall out that would over top their father's secrets. He rushed over to her and embraced his mother in a hug as she wept and howled.

From down stairs, Tommy was leading Saul's friends out of the house when Kevin came rushing down the stairs.

"Tommy!" He called.

Tommy turned around and saw his brother's worried and red face. He stopped dead in his tracks, a look of concern on his face, his immediate thought was of Nora. "Is mum okay? What happened?"

When looking closer, Tommy noticed Kevin had been crying, as he could see how puffy his eyes were.

"Kevin…" Tommy started, he had a feeling something bad was about to hit him like a ton of bricks. "What's up?"

Kevin breathed in heavily. "You need to contact Sarah and Kitty here…."

He then walked away from his brother, back up the stairs.

"Why?" Tommy asked. "What's going on!?"

"Don't argue with me! Just do it!" Kevin screamed in a furious manner, slamming his hand on the stair banister.

Tommy jumped, surprised at Kevin's explosion so he decided to do what his brother had said. He immediately got onto the phone to Sarah first.

"Hello, Sarah walker?" Came Sarah's voice on the other end.

"I think they know." Tommy warned her. Kevin had quickly disappeared up the stairs to be with his mum.

Silence on the other end.

"About what Uncle Saul did to Justin, how the hell did they find out?" Asked Sarah in a worried tone. "Shit if they find out we knew…."

"I don't know…. But they know, the look on Kevin's face said it all." Tommy said hurrying into the kitchen. "God, Sarah, shit is going to hit the fine if Justin, Mum, Kevin and Kitty find out we knew all along about Saul molesting Justin for all those years. If they find out he paid us off to keep it a secret… what the hell are we going to do!?"

"We did this to protect Justin. You know what Uncle Saul threatened us with, when we said we were going to tell…. Besides we can't risk anything happening to Justin. We can't nor Mum." Sarah said. She obviously sounded distressed, and the fact that the secret was out – it was just a matter of time before the shit really hits the fan with the others, when they get together. "We're so screwed."

"You better get overhere; make sure you ring Kitty too." Tommy instructed. Before Sarah had a chance to reply he hung up and store out the kitchen window rubbing his hand on his face. He gave out a worried sigh.

Justin was standing outside Holly's house. She had given him the keys to her car so he could drive to Nora's but on the condition that he call her and tell her that he needed to tell her some news. Justin was still in shock, Holly was supporting him, and he knew that the relationship she had with Saul was now destroyed, he always pictured her as the other woman – but why would she help him after all the crap that he went through with Rebecca? Justin adjusted his shirt, he turned around and saw Holly walking out of the house towards his way.

"You called her yet?" Holly asked.

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?" Justin asked.

"Yeah well, you need to tell your mum about what Saul did to you." Holly remarked.

"What do you get out of this? You really think helping me is actually going to benefit you in return? Hoping to gain more money out of my pain?" Justin asked. He didn't mean to sound so cruel, but it came out so abruptly it even shocked Holly.

"Well… that was cruel." Holly silently said, feeling embarrassed, and not looking him in the eye.

She then walked towards Rebecca's car.

"Wait, I'm sorry…." Justin started, apologetic and sincere. "You've helped me last day or so and I am grateful for that. I'm saying things and thinking things that I have not necessarily said before or even dreamed of thinking about. I guess I am so angry, I'm taking it out on the first person I see."

"Which is me , of course." Holly said, not smiling. "You know Justin, the sooner you tell your mum and your family about this, it will be better for everyone. "

Before Justin had a right of reply, Rebecca came out the front door slamming it behind her.

Rebecca walked right passed him and followed Holly to her daughter's car.

Justin sighed in part of relief and anxiety when he saw them get in the car and drive away.

Once they had gone from site, he looked at his mobile phone and the number and name staring up at him. The Walker family home. He was ready to push the call button, but a part of him was still debating it. He was nervous. He wouldn't know what to say.

It was half past eleven in the morning, if he didn't call his mum now – he wouldn't do it, and continue to self destruct.

He pushed the call button and the phone began to dial. A few seconds later he heard his mum's voice.

"Mum?" Justin asked as he tried not to break down.

On the other end, Nora was in her bedroom lying on the bed and she sat up as she heard Justin's voice. She tried not to cry. "Justin, honey?"

"Mum!?" She could hear him break down and cry on the other end. "I'm at Holly's. I need to see you, please don't shut me out. I need you…"

Justin fell to the ground, overwhelmed by his mum's caring voice.

Nora's voice frantic on the other end. "Justin, please say something to me, are you at Hollys? Do you want me to pick you up?"

She didn't bother waiting for an answer. "I'm coming to get you. Don't you move?"

"Thanks Mum." Justin said tearfully. He heard the phone click on his mum's end and he dropped the phone onto the ground as he sat against the wall of Holly's home. Waiting for his mum to come and pick him up. He then sighed as he wiped the tears from his face and buried his head into his hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Justin and Nora arrived back at the Walker family home a while later. They didn't say anything to each other in the car, Justin didn't want to face his mother while he was upset, and she did not want to push Justin into a corner. Obviously she had to hide the fact that she just found out about the abuse, and was hoping with the other sisters and brothers at the house; they can help him get through it. Saul on the other hand was a different matter.

Justin got out of the car and walked out of the garage, Nora following close behind. She stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Look at me." Nora said as she tugged on her son's arm.

Justin hesitated for a minute, but then turned to her.

She could see vulnerability and sadness in his eyes. Her heart melted.

"I need a hug." He said softly.

"Of course." Nora said as she embraced him.

Justin sighed and said, "You know don't you?"

Nora disengaged from the hug as she gulped.

"Mum, there is guilt ridden all of your face. You read my journal didn't you?" Justin asked, not sounding upset, but rather relieved that he didn't have to say anything to her. The tears she held in for so long, came out.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone! I'm going to kill my brother! He's going to pay for what he did to you!" Nora screamed in an anguish primal scream. She collapsed in Justin's arms as she cried into his chest."Why didn't you say anything!?"

Justin rubbed her back as he hugged her. "I didn't want to cause any trouble."

His mother's sobs became louder as she tried to say something. She looked at him. "Oh Justin….. I don't know what else to say or how much I can apologize for the way I've… we all have treated you. We…. I… This mess…. Oh god…..It's affected you so much…and we…"

She stopped mid sentence, realizing that her sentences and what she was trying to say was not coming out the way she hopped. Justin squeezed her shoulder as he leadher in the house.

They walked into the hallway and Justin saw his other siblings in the lounge. Kitty, Sarah, Tommy & Kevin.

Justin stood there as Nora led him towards them but Nora noticed how hesitant he was, and his hands had begun shaking.

"You're hands, you're shaking." Nora noticed as she tightened her grip around her son's arm as she rubbed it with her arm. "Try not to get to nervous, no one is going to attack you or to judge you. Remember this is not your fault."

Tommy rolled his eyes. Sarah eyed him a sharp look. She always wondered what Tommy's problem with Justin, was , sure he didn't like the fact that he somewhat wasted his life after coming back the first time from the war and spiralling out of control into the world of drug and alcohol addiction. Sarah often listened to Tommy's rants about it but she did have to wonder was it a hate relationship between the two. , Sarah knew that she was okay with Justin, but she just didn't care about him like she cared about her other sibilings.

Kitty had been crying. She wanted to go over to him and give him a hug, but she could see how upset and nervous he had looked.

Justin felt the need to break the ice a bit, although he was nervous and shaking, he needed to somewhat get over the huge ice break that was forming around him with his siblings and mother.

Nora and Justin sat down beside each other; everyone noticed how nervous he was as he kept shaking back and forward. Nora was trying to hold back tears.

"I saw Rebecca at Holly's." Justin said nervously as he continued to rock back and forward, with Nora still holding onto his left hand. "She looks like a full on road kill. Pink hair, a ring nose and gained a little bit of weight. Something you would see out of a _Jerry Springer_ show."

He smiled nervously. Only Sarah, Kevin and Kitty managed a smile. Tommy just store coldly at Justin, and kept checking his mobile phone, obviously he didn't want to say anything nor did he want to actually be there, but he couldn't exactly leave otherwise it would cause a lot of family dramas and the secret he and Sarah shared would be spilled. In a way he felt angry, not only for resenting Justin's choices in life, but for playing a part of protecting Saul's secret. He conceded that no child should ever have to go through what Justin did, but at the same time he couldn't really feel sorry for him, when he was angrier with himself.

Nora was hoping that one of his siblings would at least open up and say something to Justin, he's put his heart out there just now to ease the tension of the moment, but as she looked at her children, she could Sarah and Tommy's guilt ridden all over their faces. Nora was heartbroken because she figured _there were more_ secrets being kept and at this point she was just too tired and more concerned for Justin's well being then what Sarah and Tommy were keeping from her.

Justin sighed. They weren't saying anything to him and he was becoming annoyed and frusturated. He got that everyone now knew, but the silence was deadly, he didn't like it. He felt like that amongst the staring they were judging him.

"Did you like it?" Sarah asked in a dry tone.

Justin and Nora turned around, shocked at the question. Kitty, Kevin and Tommy had somewhat gasped and sat there silently, too obviously shocked at how the question came out of Sarah's mouth. Kitty thought it would have been Tommy who would have asked the question, or maybe Kevin, as Kevin liked to pry into some dirty laundry family secrets, but it was Sarah, who had just told Tommy before on the phone that they shouldn't mess things up more with Justin.

Nora shook her head, angry and disappointed. "How can you even ask such a thing?"

"I have kids." Sarah shrugged. "I mean come on, I have to protect them. I mean I need to know if Justin is going to turn into a paedophile…."

Nora noticed Justin's reluctance to sit in the room, and she noticed how his eyes were watering up, and how harder he was pressing down on her hand.

His rocking back and forward became more intense.

Nora was becoming more concerned. "Justin, just breathe in, try to ignore it. I don't think she…"

"The hell I didn't!" Sarah screamed. As she through her check book toward Justin. The cheque book got him in the leg and fell to the ground. He looked down, not wanting to look in Sarah's eyes. He didn't have to answer the question because he knew the question was a stupid one – and she was trying to bait him.

_Not going to bite. Going to stay calm._ Justin thought but he looked at how shaky his hands began. He felt the urge to start cutting into himself again. The nervousness and the intense tension and the cold eyes from Sarah was getting too much.

Tommy knocked his leg into Sarah, he shook his head, giving her a look of disgust. He had thought of the question himself, but he wasn't going to ask it – he looked at how nervous Justin was in the room full of the eyes just staring at him.

But Sarah wanted to know the truth. For all she knew – Justin could be lying about the abuse or that he was covering up for someone else and was just using their uncle, their mum's brother as an escape route.

"Come on Justin, it's not a hard question." Sarah provoked as she stood up getting closer into his face. "Tell me, you can be honest…if you enjoyed it just tell me, so that I can keep my kids away from you."

Justin looked at his mum and then at Sarah. "No, you know… I never would hurt your kids. Their niece and nephew I love them like my own."

"Oh yeah right, but I'm really surprised that you actually can relate to kids, see as being you were abused." Sarah said in a stinging ambush. "I mean you were molested, probably by not Uncle Saul, and you can relate and handle kids, if I was molested I would probably not be worthy of any kids time."

"Hey that's not fair!" Justin protested as he stood up, angrily. "Don't do this to me. I'm scared dealing with this , I need you guys to support me, to help me deal with… I'm…I'm…"

"You're what Justin!? Glad you came back? Why!?" Sarah screamed. "My life, our life, was fine without you until…. Until you screwed everything up again. It was supposed to be a secret - you weren't supposed to mention it. That's what Tommy and I was told when we found out about your abuse all those years ago!"

Kitty, Nora , Justin and Kevin all looked astonished by Sarah's revelation. She hadn't realized it she had plastered the fact that Tommy and Sarah knew about the secret all along and all for those years. Kevin and Kitty raised a hand to their mouths, obviously shocked at what they just heard. Nora's face dropped as did Justin's.

Justin's hands dropped from Nora's grasp as she stood up. Her voice shaking and trembling as she looked Sarah in the eye.

"You.. You knew?" Nora asked, astonished, and in a quiet tone. "You… covered it up!?"

Nora darted her eyes to Tommy. "You both knew about this?"

Kevin and Kitty sat there, quiet as there ever been not even looking Sarah and Tommy in the eye.

"We had no choice. Saul said he…" Tommy started.

"Don't you justify this? Don't you dare, justify this." Nora screamed as stumped her foot on the ground. Her face going on furious and bright red.

Tommy looked at the ground.

"Mum, he threatened us. He threatened to take away dad's business…he had more control of the Oja foods company back then we ever knew." Sarah protested. "He could have bankrupt this whole family…"

"SO you thought it was best to protect the damn family business and the millions instead of your little brother! Who was being molested by his uncle! My brother!" Nora screamed at the top of her lungs, right in front of Sarah's face. "You chose wrong Sarah! You chose money over your family!"

The hurt, the anger and the disappointment and the emotions ran in Nora all at once.

"Sarah how could you do this to me? To Justin! To the family!" Nora screamed. "You and Tommy did nothing…..."

"We had no choice!" Tommy screamed. "Don't you think we wanted to help him? But we had no idea what Uncle Saul would do if…"

"You had a choice!" Kevin screamed throwing his beer onto the ground as he pointed in Tommy's face, as vicious as ever and the snarl spreading across his face. "You had a choice and you chose to do nothing! You did nothing to help our brother! You didn't think to go to mum or dad! You did nothing! You chose the easy way out!"

He walked up to Tommy and grabbed him the collar of his shirt. "You bastard!You bastard!"

"Kevin!" Nora screamed as she tried to fend him off Tommy. "Stop it! Stop it!"

"I ought to punch you, you … you…you piece of crap!" Kevin screamed as he threw Tommy to the couch.

Tommy's face was bright red and he was fuming, he got off the couch and went for Kevin and knocked him to the ground.

"STOP IT!" Nora screamed as she cried and fell into Kitty's embrace. "Stop this! Stop this!"

The two brothers were wrestling around and throwing punches at each other.

"Get off me!" Tommy screamed.

"No, I want to know why you thought it was a good idea to keep this a secret! Are you turning into Dad!? Because you're both turning into him! With the damn secret and lies, and you have no regards as to the consequences of keeping this from us will be for us and for Justin!" Kevin screamed as gave Tommy a good punch in the stomach.

"Enough!" Nora screamed.

Sarah grabbed Kevin off Tommy by his ear, pulling it hard. "Enough Kevin! ENOUGH! Both of you stop this!"

As the situation in the lounge room got worse, Justin managed to quietly walk out of the room without them noticing. He headed up stairs, devastated at the fact that his own brother and sister, had known for all these years that Uncle Saul had molested him when he was a teenager. For all these years, they knew and they never said anything. He felt betrayed, he felt angry, and unsettled by the news. He entered his room and kicked the door shut and collapsed in a heap on his bed. He could hear his mother screaming from down stairs, as he tried to block all the shouting, he rocked back and forward in the cradle position, trying to block everything out.

_They knew….! They knew! And they didn't care!_ Justin's voice told him inside his head. _Goes to show how important that this family cared about me!_

As he sat up again, he saw himself in the mirror and grab his pocket knife from his jeans pocket and he jabbed into his arm as he cut himself. He winced in pain quietly, not caring at the amount of blood flowing from his cut on his arm, dripping, and falling to the carpet beside his feet. He started to walk out of the room as he picked at his bloody wound with his other hand.

"Clearly! You are exactly like your father Sarah!" Nora screamed. "How could you sit on this, how could you and Tommy sit on this? Justin is my son and he's your brother!"

"You don't understand like I said before, I was protecting our assets, the business and you from any humiliation that Saul was going to bring if we didn't keep our mouths shut." Sarah explained. "It was the best idea to think of to keep the cat in the bag."

Kitty and Kevin were furious, Kitty was holding Kevin back, as she didn't want him to attack Tommy again, as it wasn't going to help the situation.

"What about Justin!? Did you even think to tell him that you knew! Or were you just waiting to blow in from the wind one more time and strike him down." Kitty shouted. "He obviously felt he couldn't come to us directly and we now know why he couldn't trust us is because you two were behind his back doing dodgy deals with our Uncle to protect what he did to Justin!"

"Add to the fact that this is a crime!" Kevin screamed.

"Oh shut up!" Tommy screamed. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"He's our brother!" Kitty screamed. "Screw the assets, you chose to protect Uncle Saul. You both disgust me!"

"You think I wanted Justin to be molested, Uncle Saul disgusts me but I had to do what I thought was right to protect this family from Saul's threats to take us to the cleaners and trust me he had much power to do so back then, then he does now." Sarah said trying not to cry.

"You sound like a broken record." Kevin argued. "This is Justin… this is our brother, of course you had an obligation to protect him – but you didn't. "

"For god's sake Sarah you accused him of being a paedophile!" Nora shouted on top of Kevin. "You really think that was fair and that wasn't judgemental!? That was very judgemental. You ought tobe ashamed of yourself for trying to blame Justin for any of this crap he is going through."

"Yeah well mother, I have kids. I have to protect them." Sarah said trying not to cry, she knew she and Tommy were on the outskirts of the family now. She looked away. "If you watch those shows on TV, statistically children, who have been abused, are likely to become abusers themselves."

"And so you automatically Justin's one?" Kevin asked. "Because you watched a few crime shows on TV?"

"But it happens." Sarah said choking up. "Come on Kevin, you have to think as a parent in my situation…"

Kitty stood there unimpressed. "You're crying now Sarah? Are you crying because we found out your dirty little secret, or crying because you're loosing the argument?"

Kevin looked around to see where Justin was. He wasn't there. "Where did Justin get to?"

Nora stopped screaming, along with Kitty, and Tommy and turned to look around.

"He was here a second ago." Kitty said confusingly. "Oh god…."

"He's gone again." Nora exclaimed. She was about to hurry around the house to look for him when she saw him in the hallway slowly heading toward the front door.

"There you are…" Nora said hurrying up to him. She watched as he turned to her slowly and screamed when she saw the wounds on his arm and the huge amount of blood that was trembling down his arm and onto the floor.

"This is real, right?" Justin asked as he blinked. He looked very pale and looked as if he was about to collapse.

"Oh my god!" Kitty screamed, she hurried over to her brother and immediately looked at the self-inflicted wounds. "Justin what did you do!?"

She quickly hurried over to Tommy who took off his t-shirt so she could press it down onto his wound.

Justin store blankly at her and then at the floor as she pressed hard with Tommy's t-shirt. "Let me die, Kitty. Please?"

Kitty looked at him, Nora was in tears.

"No, we'll get through this Justin." Kitty re-assured him as she gave Tommy and Sarah a nasty look. "We're not going to let you die! You hear me? You're going to get through this with all of us around you for support okay!?"

Tommy stood there with Sarah, obviously he was more in shock then Sarah was.

Sarah sighed loudly.

Nora helped her son back into the living room, along with Kevin, while Kitty hurried up stairs to get some first aid stuff from the upstairs bathroom.

Nora sat down beside Justin.

"Is there anything I can do?" Tommy asked.

"Stay away from me." Justin responded weakly as he shifted his eyes away from Tommy.

"Fine with me." Sarah said. "Let's go Tommy."

Nora turned to Sarah. "Don't you walk out the door, pretending that you don't care,Sarah. You are going to stay here and help us help Justin. You are not walking away from this mess."

"Yes, I am. I have a family to protect." Sarah responded.

"You are a cruel…and horrible… I don't even recognize you anymore." Kevin said as he walked up to her. "We have to help him through this, kick Saul's ass at some point too, but we have to help Justin deal with this, he can't deal with this on his own, he needs us. Tell me that there is some ounce of you in there that cares for our little brother, despite what you have done."

Sarah had her chance right there to say what she really felt inside that she missed being a sister to Justin, but she believed in her heart, that what she did was the best for the family and for Justin's well being. She obviously felt the family's reaction was hard and she didn't understand why she was coping the full force of everyone's anger over the secret that had now them all realing.

"I care about this family, I do. But I believe I've done the right thing." Sarah said glumly. "And if you don't see that…then you're not my family."

"You're threatening us to choose between you and Justin? Have you completely lost your mind Sarah…or breasts?" Kevin shook his head, annoyingly and frustrated that his sister couldn't see the bigger picture then her ego and about her need to be the one in the right all the time. "I'm sorry but when did this cruel and ruthless sister of mine choose to be such a coward and protect someone who deserves to go to jail and all for what? On his empty threats to our family? Gee when you got plastic surgery done your nose – whatever drug they used, really screwed with your head."

He turned his back on her and walked back toward Justin and Nora.

Sarah then turned her back and grabbed her handbag and walked out of the house.

Nora looked at Justin's self inflicted wounds and bruises, old and new. "Oh god Justin, we have to take you to the hospital. You can't go on like this."

"She's right. Why did you cut yourself?" Kitty asked gently as she pressed Tommy's t-shirt against his fresh set of wounds. Tommy grabbed his car keys as they led Justin slowly out of the house.

Kitty saw the desperate look in his eyes, the sad and the pain that he had hidden was now visible. "I just want it to stop Kitty."

"Stop what?" Nora asked confused.

"Everything. The hurt, the pain, the images of what…. What he did to me. I don't want to see them in my head anymore." Justin said in a low and shameful voice. "I want to die so badly I started to cut myself…hoping the final cut would…would…just end it."

Nora raised her hands to her mouth. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Kevin put his hands on her shoulder to comfort her as she cried as she had to come to grips with the idea that Justin wants to die.

"When I was at the beach the other day, I was going to use the knife on myself, end it , but Holly….she…..she stopped it from happening." Justin said remorsefully. "I guess she saved my life, but I still want to die, I can't handle the guilt of it."

"Holly Harper, as in Dad's mistress?" Kevin asked his eyebrow raised with curiosity.

"No, Justin – Holly Harper the rapping ballerina." Kitty sarcastically remarked. She smiled and she saw Justin smile. She and Nora helped him up.

They lead him to Kitty's car outside on the driveway.

Justin climbed into the passenger's seat and shut the door.

Kitty walked up to Tommy, Kevin and Nora. "I don't think you guys should follow. Let me help Justin through this at least for tonight. Let's try not to over crowd him."

"But he needs me, he needs all of us." Nora shrieked, confused as to Kitty's instruction.

"Mum, he just told us he wanted to commit suicide, and he obviously tried it again today. He needs someone who isn't going to ambush him with twenty million questions or judgement." Kitty replied calmly as she grabbed her mum's hand. "Let me be there for him, I will keep you posted.

Kevin sighed depressingly. "They're going to put him on suicide watch aren't they?"

"You saw his frame of mind, and the state he's in." Kitty said. "When I get to the hospital, I will find out what they can do after they dress his wound, but until then just let's all try and remain calm."

"Remain calm!? My son wants to commit suicide for god's sake! I can't remain calm!" Nora screamed. "How can you suggest to me that I have to remain calm Kitty!? Hmm, how am I supposed to remain calm and do nothing while my son wants to end his life because of my bastard of a brother! Excuse me, Kitty. I think I have a right to panic! And I am coming with you to the hospital! I need to be with Justin and I don't want any arguments!"

Kevin and Tommy nodded in agreement.

"Okay." Kitty said quietly, she had realized she had been too forceful and although she was just trying to look out for Justin, she realized that everyone wanted to be there for him in any way or shape or form. So she didn't want to argue. She had enough arguing with Robert McCallister earlier that morning at the office. She liked him, very much, but she doubted that he liked her very much as she was second guessing his work and always improving his speeches, although that was her responsibility as Communications Person.

Kitty climbed inside her car and Justin looked at her with his sad red eyes. "We're all here for you, Justin."

Justin nodded.

Kitty looked at his arm. "How's the cut?"

"Still bleeding a bit, but not as much." Justin sighed as he shifted his arm, pressing hard on it with his other hand with Tommy's t-shirt.

"How long have you….?" Kitty asked him as reversed the car from the drive way and headed down the street.

"I don't want to talk about it." Justin said.

Kitty didn't know what to say to her brother. She could see he was trying to act brave, but deep downs he knew he was breaking up inside. She just wished she could hug him or say something that would make him feel better.

"I can't get the images of what I saw in Iraq out of my head, I can't get what Uncle Saul did to me out of my head. I'm a basket case Kitty and I'm scared that I'm going to wreck this family even more." Justin finally said, he felt he could trust Kitty somewhat at the moment. He didn't really want to talk about it, but he felt she wouldn't judge him and that's all he wanted from all of this. No judgement.

"You have to stop thinking about other people and the family, you always put others first, before yourself, and now you can't do that anymore Justin, you have to deal with this. And we'll be supporting you. Don't worry about the rest of us, worry about trying to get through this one day at a time." Kitty reassured as she turned at an intersection.

Before she could say anything else, her mobile phone started ringing. She checked the caller I.D. _Robert McCallister._

She hung up the call. "McCallister can wait."

"Your boss?" Justin asked as he sat forward. "Sis, if it's work, you can answer it. I'm not going to jump out of the car window while the car is moving if that's what you are worried about."

"No, rather spend time fixated on my brother." Kitty responded. "And I am sure you wouldn't jump out of a moving car….."

She looked at him; he gave her a funny look as if to say _Trust me will you._

But he decided to change the subject onto the word "fixation" which she had used to describe his situation.

"Fixated? Hmm, interesting word to use." Justin managed to crack a smile, from underneath his dark side. This is why he enjoyed hanging around Kitty, well he did, before the fall out, they were comfortable with each other, and easily made each other laugh. There was no second guessing each other or judgement; they generally enjoyed to help each other out. He was at least grateful for her support and willingness to at least drive him to the hospital.

"You know what I mean." Kitty smiled.

"Sure I do." Justin responded as he looked out the window.


	4. Chapter 4

Once Justin was settled in the psychiatric ward in the hospital Kitty and Nora sat in the waiting room. Kitty handed her mother a instant coffee and she smiled at her daughter, obviously approving of the gesture.

Nora took a sip out of it as she put her jacket beside Kitty's bag on the floor. "Warm coffee, just what I needed."

Kitty didn't say anything much.

Nora shook her head. "I can't believe I never saw the signs. I just thought his teenager years of mood swings and yelling and screaming at us, was just a sign of puberty, and never thought once that he was going through this."

Kitty breathed in, trying not to choke up. "He hid it pretty well. But that's what teenagers do, hide things."

"What am I going to do Kitty? It seems this family has more secrets then one NFL team can bare. How could have Sarah and Tommy sat on something as huge as this? Just when I thought this family could heal itself from its old wounds, this is sprung up from the wood fire and then to find out Sarah and Tommy had harboured the secret since Justin was twelve, I just…..It's too much to bare."

Kitty patted her mother's knee. "Do you think Dad knew about the abuse?"

"What do you mean?" Nora asked as she looked at her daughter.

"Let's face it, when dad died, his secrets came out of the closet like a bus side swiping a 4 by 4. How do we know that he didn't know about Uncle Saul molesting Justin?" Kitty asked.

Nora shook her head and sighed. She thought about the times when she caught her husband in the study crying to himself weeks leading up to his death. She thought about the times when he could barely acknowledge Justin when they were in the room together. She had brushed it off as just William being grumpy at her son and at her, but now with in regards to what was being revealed, she wasn't so sure anymore, and Kitty's point raised some eye opening and frustrating questions about what William actually knew about the family before he died and if he had known about Justin's abuse and sitting on it and letting it happen.

"We can't be sure with either." Nora replied. "Only you father would know the answer to that and truth be told – if he was alive today to discover what went on, he would be disgusted. But I can't really say that with one hundred per cent certainty though, who knows what he knew Kitty."

Kitty rubbed her mother's free hand once more. "We'll get through this, one day at at a time."

"I suppose I should call Holly." Nora said with a frown. "She actually took Justin in when he was at the beach, saving him from actually killing himself."

"I can't work that woman out." Kitty rolled her eyes. "But I guess we owe her one."

"Maybe if she came along to see him, maybe it will help him. He obviously sees something in her that the rest of us don't. A personality. A soul." Nora remarked.

"Don't forget he was dating her daughter, so they must have gotten close at some point." Kitty thought out loud.

"Just the thought of calling her makes me nervous, and what if the doctor comes out while I'm gone?" Nora stressed as she stood up.

"Don't worry, I will come and find you." Kitty smiled. Nora hugged her daughter as Kitty stood up, and then hurried off outside of the hospital waiting area to make the call to Holly.

Meanwhile in the emergency room, down the corridor, Justin was sitting on the bed as the doctor was wrapping up his self-inflicted wounds. Some bruises had gone purple and bloody, and some were just green and sore. When the doctor had grabbed it gently before, Justin winced in pain, the pain hadn't healed, and the bruises were definitely shining out on his wrists and arm.

studied Justin's defeated face as he finished wrapping up the young Walker's wounds. " ?"

Justin just sat there, not realizing he had drifted off, but he had, once more the thought of death crossing his mind.

"We've bandaged your wounds. They're pretty extensive." Dr Jackson. "How long have you been self-harming yourself? Could you tell me when you first started?"

Justin still didn't say anything. He started rocking back and forward, tears whelming in his eyes. The doctor looked quite concerned and ordered one of the Nurses to get some sedatives.

Justin began screaming at the doctor and grabbed him the by the coat. "Let me die! Let me die! Let me die! I don't want to live! LET THE PAIN GO! PLEASE!?"

The doctor freed himself from Justin's grip as Justin fell back onto the bed and pounded it with his fists.

Kitty was pacing up and down in the hallway, moments later when she saw heading toward her down the hall way. She didn't see Justin with him, so she took that as a sign that something was going on and that he would be staying in at least overnight.

"You're his sister right?" Dr Jackson asked. "Kitty Walker?"

"Yes, how is he?" Kitty asked as she put the mobile phone back in her jeans pocket. She looked at the doctor with warmth and concern, and eager to find out what the latest was on her young brother.

"We had to sedate him." Dr Jackson said softly. "The amount of trauma that your brother has been through In Iraq, and I am not sure what else – suggests to me he is suffering from an extensive case of depression. I've transferred to him the Psychiatric unit, and he's been put on a suicide watch. At this stage, your brother will need to check into a clinic where it will deal with post-traumatic stress and depression to help him heal some of the wounds he has been carrying internally. I believe his depression manifested physically and you and your family should be grateful that you managed to get to him in time before he did any worse damage."

Kitty tried not to cry, as she held it in. "How do I explain this to my mum? She doesn't you know fully understand about his depression, or why he wants to kill himself. Could you at least talk with her with me?"

"I can. I am free in about fifteen minutes. Wait here. Okay?" Dr Jackson said, reassuring her in a nice and friendly tone and then he walked off.

Kitty sat back down, taking in all the information about Justin. Before she could make any sense of how serious his depression really was and the mental toll his past was taken on him, she spotted Nora out of the corner of her eye, along with Robert McCallister.

She jumped up from her seat. "You stalking me now Robert?"

"No." Robert smugly said with a smile. "I had your car jacked with some GPS equipment."

"That's stalking!" Kitty cried out as she pulled Nora to her side. "Mother!"

"He did it because he loves you. Or so I think. More than I can say for Jonathan though." Nora remarked.

"You're heading for a fat lip mother." Kitty threatened.

"Don't threaten to beat up an old lady like that. That's very rude kitty." Robert shook his head, trying not laugh as he just caused Kitty to blush.

"Hey, watch who you are calling old Mister!" Nora said. She then turned to Kitty. "Did the doctors come out?"

"Would you mind? This is kind of a private family moment…" Kitty irritate said to her boss.

"Oh I won't be going anywhere; I will be here when you come out." Robert said as he took a seat, obviously enjoying Kitty's embarrassment and annoyance.

"You so love this, aren't you?" Kitty asked as she breathed in and out.

"I so am." Robert said as he picked a magazine off the table. "Go ahead. I got all night."

Kitty shook her head and rushed her mother to around the corner. "Listen mum, I don't want you to get over highly stressed as the doctor wants to discuss Justin's situation with us. Okay?"

"How bad?" Nora asked.

"He's been diagnosed with depression mum and he has the worst case of it." Kitty said gently. She knew her mother would break down easily and didn't want to over bear her with bad news all at once, she could see her mother's eyes searching around the room, darting back and forward as she thought about what this meant for her family and for hers on. "And because of the self-infliction, they will need to put him in thepsychiatric ward on a suicide watch. He didn't respond to any of the doctors questions. They had …. They had to sedate him."

Nora gasped in shock as aa loud moan of emotion escaped from her. She didn't know what else to do, or to say, she was devastated to hear that her son was cutting himself, and didn't want to live, but to hear that he had to be put in the psychiatric ward and on a suicide watch, was more then anything any mother should witness and bear and Nora was no exception to that.

Kitty hugged her mother as she grabbed onto Kitty tightly. She listened as her mother wailed and said "My son is not a physco person. Killers who mutilate their families, or Sarah who has no soul, they're prime examples of Physco. Norman Bates was physco, but not my Justin."

"No, mum, it doesn't mean he is. But they have to transfer him and put him under watch for his own safety. They want to help him, as we all do. We can't assume the worst." Kitty reassured her mother.

Robert from the waiting room was watching on , not meaning to pry, but because he cared for his colleague, he wanted to be there for her as much as he could or at least provide a shoulder for her to lean on when she needed it. He didn't know what was happening, but from what he could gather with Nora's reaction, what they were going through was something huge.

Meanwhile back at the Walker home, Kevin and Tommy were cleaning up the mess, that they had made when they got into the punch up earlier on, both of them tried not to say anything more as to not upset or anger the other.

They stood in the kitchen as nightfall began on the outside. Kevin was at the sink washing the cutlery, while Tommy was just sipping his beer and putting the wasted snack food in the rubbish bin.

Kevin looked at Tommy. "Let's try not to fight."

"We're not fighting." Tommy frowned.

"I know that, let's not fight, let's not add to Mum's stress." Kevin suggested. "She's got enough on her plate with all this."

Tommy nodded.

Kevin looked at his brother. "Did you keep this a secret to punish Justin and have an excuse to hate him while he was growing up?"

Tommy looked up from what he was doing, puzzled by the question. "Excuse me?"

"It's a rather simple question, and one that really deserves an answer too because a high intelligent person as yourself is smart and would recognise when such a question should be answered without a stupid response as you just gave." Kevin rebutted with a sneer. "I'm waiting for an answer."

"I don't hate him." Tommy mumbled, frustrated that Kevin was picking a fight and finding the perfect excuse for it to begin, even though he just promised they wouldn't for Nora's sake.

"Your actions in the past have spoken louder than those words. Truly." Kevin remarked. "I just don't fully comprehend how you and Sarah could keep such a secret from the family and having let Justin suffer in silence all these years. You got pleasure out of it didn't you? You liked to see him suffer. You sat on it, you didn't tell anyone, and you didn't help him through it -."

"You know what? I am not doing this." Tommy remarked. "I got a wife to go home too."

"You are pathetic, you hang around, can't hack a little bit of questioning and now you're off to running to your wife screaming 'Kevin was being mean to me, I need to get away!'." Kevin said in a mocking girly voice. "Oh look at me Tommy Walker, always running away when the going gets tough. Next you will be a princess in a Disney film!"

"I never hated him! I just didn't like the choices he made with his life. Okay?" Tommy shouted, over top of Kevin's annoying and judgemental behaviour.

"How can you sit there and judge him like you have all these years, when you don't even know the first thing about him? You see Kitty and I grew up with Justin, we were close with him, but you and Sarah are so cold and distant and this family was broken when we you forced us to turn against him when he came back from the war." Kevin told him straight. "I never saw you guys spend time with him one on one, even when we were growing up so partially I think that secret really turned you and Sarah both into people that I despise."

Tommy sighed pacing back and forward, wanting to punch his brother yet again.

"What's the matter, does the truth ring a bell with you?" Kevin asked angrily slamming the dishes on the bench.

"You know I hate the fact that he wasted his life, he had no direction, no sense of responsibility even before he left for Afagnistan. We all thought the army would have straightened him out, or at least me and Sarah thought would help him forget about the abuse. But that turned out to be a real big mistake didn't it!?" Tommy shouted, throwing the trash bag onto the floor, spilling everywhere. "I HATE HOW he wasted his life. I don't feel sorry for him at all."

"So why are you still here then!? Why are you hanging around like a bad smell, all you going to do is remind him of how you protected his abuser day in day out!? Why are you still here Tommy?"

Tommy went for him again, grabbing Kevin by the throat. "Maybe I won't hang around! I thought I was doing the right thing, how many times do I have to apologize for my mistake in protecting the secret! I am not like Sarah, despite Justin's choices, I don't hate him – he's my brother! I love him!"

"You got a funny way of showing it!" Kevin screamed as he whacked Tommy in the stomach with the top end of his shoe, causing Tommy to fall onto the ground wincing in pain.

Before Tommy could reply the house phone rang.

Tommy and Kevin immediately store at the phone, then at each other. Both of them had forgotten for the moment that Nora and Kitty were at the hospital with Justin, while they were getting into their usual fights again. Nervousness over came their anger along with worried looks appearing on their faces.

"Pick it up." Kevin muttered.

"You pick it up." Tommy frowned as he let go of his brother's neck. "You're closer."

"So are you." Kevin pointed out.

"Just get it." Tommy commanded in an irritated voice.

"Hello?" Kevin picked up the receiver. On the other end of the line was Kitty. "So…how is he?...Oh man….wow…how long do you think they'll have him there?"

Tommy watched as his brother talked and asked more questions, finally after a few minutes he hung up the phone.

"So…?" Tommy asked.

"Oh, um..do you care or you just curious?" Kevin asked.

"Kevin!" Tommy screamed as he slammed his hands down on the kitchen bench.

"They had to sedate him, apparently went bit nuts in front of the doctor, and started screaming how he just wants to die." Kevin said trying not to break into tears." They've moved him to the psychiatric ward and put him on a suicide watch. Hope you're very happy with what you and Sarah have done to our bother."

Kevin could barely look at Tommy, so he stormed off the room leaving Tommy on his own.


End file.
